Vaginal Dryness Is Common, Not Something to Live With

Why does this happen now, when it never used to?

You might have noticed it first during sex, or when you wiped after urinating. Maybe it showed up as itching you couldn't explain, or a burning feeling that came and went. Around perimenopause, estrogen levels begin to shift unpredictably. Estrogen helps keep the vaginal lining thick, lubricated, and elastic. When it rises and falls without a pattern, that tissue can thin and produce less moisture.

This is not a sign you are doing something wrong. It is not the same as being uninterested in sex, and it is not simply stress. It is a physical change in tissue that happens to most women at some point in this transition. Some notice it early, some later. The timing varies, but the cause is the same: less estrogen reaching the tissue that needs it.

But I was told it was just hormones and nothing could be done

You may have heard that dryness is something to tolerate, or that it is a natural part of aging. That advice is outdated. Vaginal dryness is treatable, and treatment does not always mean systemic hormone therapy. Local treatments, lubricants, and moisturizers can make a meaningful difference. What works for one woman may not work for another, but there are options to discuss with a provider who listens.

If you were waved off before, it is not because your symptom was imaginary. It is because vaginal dryness has historically been under-discussed in medical training and under-reported by women who were taught not to bring it up. That is changing. You are not asking for too much by wanting comfort.

When should I call a provider instead of waiting it out?

Call a provider if you notice bleeding between periods, after sex, or after menopause. Also call if you have a discharge that smells strong, looks unusual, or comes with pain or fever. These can be signs of infection or something that needs a closer look. Dryness alone is common, but those added symptoms are not something to watch at home.

If sex is painful, if you dread it because of the discomfort, or if you feel raw and irritated most days, that is also worth a call. You do not need to wait until it becomes unbearable. Providers who understand perimenopause can assess what is happening and talk through options. You deserve a conversation, not a dismissal.

How do I bring this up without feeling embarrassed?

You can start with one plain sentence: "I have been experiencing vaginal dryness and it is affecting my daily comfort." You do not need to explain why you waited, apologize, or use soft language. If you feel nervous, write it down before the appointment. You can hand the note to the provider or read it aloud. That is allowed, and it works.

If you have been dismissed before, you can say: "I brought this up last time and felt it was not addressed. I would like to talk about it again today." You are not being difficult. You are being clear. A provider who listens will ask follow-up questions. If yours does not, you can ask for a referral or a second opinion. That is your right.

What helps

• Keep a simple note on your phone about when dryness is worst, so you have specifics for your next appointment.
• Try a water-based lubricant during sex to reduce friction, and reapply as needed rather than waiting for discomfort.
• Use a vaginal moisturizer on a regular schedule, not just when symptoms flare, to help maintain tissue comfort.
• Switch to unscented, gentle laundry detergent and avoid scented soaps or wipes near the vulva.
• Wear breathable cotton underwear and change out of damp workout clothes promptly to reduce irritation.

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Mae’s picks

• water-based personal lubricant — for comfort during sex, safe with condoms
• vaginal moisturizer — for regular use to ease daily dryness
• cotton underwear — breathable fabric that reduces irritation